Cars and Computers – from Chris

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: ‘If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon..’

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: ‘If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics’ (and I just love this part ):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash…….. Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning light.

I love the next one!

7. The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure?’ before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off

PS – I’d like to add that when all else fails, you could call ‘customer service’ in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!

Electronic “Relationships”

I’m a phone person. I’ve always been a big fan of the phone, as I love to gab. And especially since a bunch of my friends live out-of-state, I prefer phone calls & text messages. I associate email with “work,” and though I used to be quite good with email, now I suck at using email as a mechanism for catching up with friends. I’m much better with it for quick, planning purposes and logistics, than the actual transmission of thoughts, feelings, memories, etc.

I also like Twitter and Facebook for mass socialization, meeting up with friends (Twitter) and catching up / staying in touch (Facebook). That said, I do *not* believe these methods of communication should be relied upon solely within the context of close relationships – for instance, family.

I recently learned (through Twitter) that my sister and her boyfriend were coming to visit SF. Then I learned tonight, that they came through SF last week, and visited wine country, local eateries, but not me. In fact, they didn’t even call to say hi while they were in town. Flabbergasting.

As you can imagine, my sister and I do not have a great relationship. But here’s the astonishing thing – she feels it is perfectly acceptable to comment on my FB profile photo and call me “weird” and @reply me on Twitter, suggesting me as someone for #followfriday, and yet she doesn’t feel it aceptable/appropriate/considerate/thoughtful/loving to call me when she’s in town for the first time since I moved to SF two years ago.

Does this hurt? You betcha.

Thanks to Twitter and Facebook, this can get rubbed in even further. So what now? Do I block her or remove my own sister as my friend? Does that make it less hurtful? Doubtful.

At any rate, I think this microcosm highlights some of what’s wrong with our newfound reliance on electronic communication acting as a substitute for more personable methods (like the phone, or heck, a letter). While I believe electronic communication is useful for business and logistical planning purposes, I still hold true to my belief that it does not work in more intimate relationships – with family, or close friends. And in my case, it highlighted and exacerbated an already existing hurt.

You may be asking yourself: is this really a post on electronic relationships, or is this a rant on callous family members? I’d say the latter is probably more true. Thanks for listening.

The Cove – http://thecovemovie.com/

It’s not just sharks that are being killed by Chinese and Japanese Fishing Boats, it’s now Dolphins too…

The Chemistry of Romance – useful knowledge from Tara Hunt

Link: http://www.horsepigcow.com/2009/05/dumped-survival/

Note: This post is 100% verbatim from Tara Hunt’s blog. I just wanted to share it with you (and the “share this” API didn’t work)

Dumped: The Survival Guide

May 24, 2009 – 12:29 pm

I know that I don’t usually give dating advice on my blog, but I thought I’d put this out there since it’s been ultimately helpful for me.

Being broken up with – especially when you are still really into the person – is super painful. It hurts all over. Your heart aches because of the dashed hope for a potential future with this person. Your brain aches and you beat yourself up over not seeing the signs or doing something different leading up to this. Your ego aches, making it really difficult to imagine someone ever loving you again. Etc. I get it. I’ve been the dumpee as much, if not more, than I’ve ever been the dumper and for anyone who says, “Being the dumper is more painful…” well, they are totally full of it and have probably never experienced being dumped.

About a year and a half ago, I read Helen Fishers, Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, which really saved my life. I swear. Having been dumped in a big way a couple months previous to reading it, I was still in the throes of pain. I was showing the world ‘brave face’ but inside I was a total mess. I’d go home every night after smiling and pretending I was okay and go into total mope mode. But after reading Helen’s book, I realized that I wasn’t moping because my ex was the best thing that ever happened to me and I’ll never find anyone to take his place, it was because I continued to feed the brain chemicals that caused romantic love.

Yes. Seriously. Why we fall in love has very little to do with fate or stars or some other mystic and romantic notion. We fall in love because chemicals in our brains are triggered at the right time. I won’t go into the chemicals in this post (you should read the book…very fascinating), but lemme just illustrate it with this one fact: falling in love is tightly related with the same brain chemical reaction to becoming addicted to drugs like cocaine or crack.

So after reading the book, I realized that I would need to de-toxify my body from my ex the same way as I would de-toxify my body from a drug. Here are some of the things I found worked well to ‘break the habit’:

1. Zero contact. And I mean ZERO. None. Nada. Everytime you have contact: be it email, phone, in person, whaever…you are revving up those chemicals again. Just like if you were to say you quite cocaine, but do a ‘bump’ a day later. If there has to be logistical contact, keep it professional. No ‘I miss you’s’ or ‘I’m thinking of you’s’. Even better, if you bring in a mutual friend to help you make handoffs (keys, etc.).
2. No stalking either. I know that you desperately want to see if he/she is still thinking of you. But even if looking at his Twitter stream is tempting and will only take a second glance, don’t do it. Even if he or she mentions they are feeling blue, too, can be misconstrued as something to hope for…which will strike up those chemicals once again. Bad. Unfollow him/her on Flickr, Twitter and everywhere else he or she regularly updates.
3. Refrain from reliving moments. If you had a special song or there was a special place you went together or anything else that will trigger happier moments memories, avoid it. Eventually, you will learn to reclaim it. For yourself or with someone else who deserves your love.
4. Keep yourself moving forward. Don’t avoid your feelings. They are real. But wallowing only serves to feed the chemicals and keep you miserable. Find ways to positively move through the pain like working out, going to a conference to put your brain on a workout, read a good book, go out with your brilliant friends, dance, etc. Anything that will stimulate the other chemicals in your brain that will eradicate the love ones.
5. Get over someone by getting under someone else. Okay. So this one is a bit dicey and to tell you the truth, I’m not very good at it. But according to the brain chemical theory, being ravished by a new suitor will jump start other chemicals that could be very good for you. Things to be careful with here: a. the person you are doing this with won’t get hurt by a fling thing, b. this won’t turn into a rebound relationship, c. you, yourself, are aware of what you are doing and you make the choice to feel good again and treat yourself, not to get back at whats-his-pickle.
6. Be aware at every moment of the really awesome things in your life. Not in relation to him/her, but in relation to you. Just you. You have great friends. A good job. A great vocabulary. A fantastic wardrobe. Supportive parents. A good palette for wine. Whatever. You have talents and blessings and, well, it’s not too corny to repeat them over and over to yourself at this moment…cause you need a happy distraction.

Love is like an addiction, so getting ‘clean’ when it isn’t available to you anymore (through that desired person anyway), is not easy. But you make it even tougher on yourself if you prolong the addiction. Of course, you can do all of the above and it will still take time to get that person out of your system. I mean…you DID really love him/her, right? And you still DO. But at the risk of sounding crass…He/she has moved on. It’s time for you to as well.

xo

“it’s not you, it’s me”

I never really understood that line until tonight. I, like so many of us, view rejection as one of the worst fears out there. I also likely have some baggage associated with that fear, that I obviously won’t go into here. But why am I being so boldly honest? Because I think these are topics that many of us struggle with, and in an effort to be truly honest with myself, I think talking about it here – openly and publicly – may be an interesting social experiment. For if I talk about it (i.e. rejection), how then will it harnass so much fear over me? I think we sometimes give power to our fears by *not* talking about them.

Back to the story.

Tonight I went to dinner with my monthly International Dinner & (sometimes) Book Club friends, and invited a few new friends. One of those friends invited this good guy friend of hers, to whom she’d been wanting to introduce me for some time now. I had been all up for meeting him – at some point – but that was a) a few months ago (I’m not necessarily looking to date anyone at present, now) and b) not at international dinner. But ok, she does live in the East Bay, so maybe this was a good opportunity, after all. Except the funny thing is that I. had. no. idea. that he was the “friend” she had asked me if she could invite along to dinner. I thought her “friend” was a girl friend, because, honestly, I’d kind of forgotten about this “set-up” to which I’d agreed, months ago. Uh…

Here’s the problem: I was not attracted to him. Also, I knew immediatedly – just by looking at him – that we wouldn’t hit it off. I’m not sure if it was his appearance, the way he carried himself, the things he talked about (or didn’t talk about – actually, the most important element here)… All I knew was: this is not going to happen.

Another interesting thing: he reminded me of an ex-”fling” of mine, someone who carries a *lot* of weight in my life.  But it was more than a “fling,” of course, it was a saga. A full blown “long detailed account” (courtesy of Merriam-Webster). The story is actually quite remarkable, and I honestly think this guy was my first love. But details aside, this “saga” lasted 2.5 years, for me, (including the romance, the heartache, and the time it took to get over him), and now, 4 years after meeting him, 1.5 years after getting over him, and many guys later, I can say that I consider him a good friend, even though: we don’t talk regularly, he lives on the East Coast, and he has a serious girlfriend. All of this considered, he’s probably the guy I trust most , and an insanely amazing person. He’s a traveler, a listener, a conversationalist, a gentleman, a thinker, a lover, a friend, a class act. And he’s someone I hold in very high esteem. He’s perceptive, super into psychology, and understands people extremely well. He’s loyal, trustworthy, honest, and respectful. He’s interesting, intriguing, and one of my favorite people. He gets me. And if I’m going through a hard time, I can breakdown and cry with him, and I don’t think he views me any less. In short, he’s amazing.

Again, however, I think he knows and understands me, more than I ever knew and understood him. I can’t put into words why, exactly, he and I never worked – in part, distance (at least in the beginning – it’s a long story, really), but there are many other reasons I never understood, and I’m not sure he did, either. But, by now, he is happy with someone else, and I am happy for him. I truly want the best for him in life, and if he thinks his girlfriend is amazing, I’m sure she is, and I genuinely hope they’re happy together.

So back to tonight. This guy tonight – the one with whom I was “set-up” – reminded me of “A” (my friend, who will remain nameless). Of course, this guy tonight, “R” will *never, EVER* compare to “A” in my mind, so why even try? Yes, “R” looked similar to “A,” but “R” has no chance of ever working with me, because he will always remind me of a lesser version of “A,” and that – just by mere circumstance – is doomed to fail.

Hence, for the first time ever, I am saying “no,” it will not work with “R” because, really, “it’s not you, it’s me” (and my own ideas of what someone resembling “A” should be like). It’s like this: If I’ve “had “A”" (if you can even call it that, for I never really “had” him), then how could I ever be happy with his imposter?

Ironic.

I think the lesson in this is this: being rejected doesn’t always have to do with you (the person being rejected), and it can often have more to do with the person who is rejecting you, than with you. This was the case tonight, after all.

UPDATE: tr.im is back! :)

tr.im is back (after much popular demand & support) and is considering options: http://blog.tr.im/post/160697842/tr-im-resurrected

Perspective

It still amazes me how two people can look at the same thing/situation, and yet see two *entirely* different things. Misunderstanding then happens when one person shuts down, choosing to no longer communicate, to try and bridge the gap.

Unfortunately, I’ve encountered a few too many of these types of situations as of late, and it’s leading me to question who I’ve chosen to become friends with, as well as the types of friendships I’ve chosen to have. While I thought you have to remove your filter when you move to a new city, open yourself up to everyone to “expand your horizons,” I’m no longer sure that’s the right approach. Sure, it will increase your ‘activity partners,’ but it will not increase your ‘friends’.

*Introspection ensues*… as well as dialogue via phone conversations with loyal, long-term friends (who are – unfortunately – mostly living in far away cities) to ponder and understand the idea of filtering friends and knowing who to trust. Or as a friend this weekend put it, who to trust for what.

bummer news in the start-up world

tr.im is shutting down: http://tr.im/

Story here: http://blog.tr.im/post/159369789/tr-im-r-i-p

The world of start-ups is risky and exciting and scary and full of great potential, all in one. But it’s very tedious and hard to predict, in terms of which start-ups will succeed, and which will fail. As I am intrigued to better understand this world, this is a sad example of a “failure”. For what it’s worth, I always used tr.im on Twitter, and not bit.ly.

Balance

So I’m a little nervous…

It’s only been my second week back to work (after the 2 months disability), and I’m already sick. I felt a cold coming on Monday night, and by Tuesday morning I was sick. I think I had a fever Tuesday and Wednesday, and today it’s down to just a cold. Regardless, I’ve been out sick (not working) since Tuesday.

I think I over-extended myself last week trying to get up to speed on my new project, and trying to learn all these complicated Excel formulas that my manager knows, and I thought I should learn. I’m not sure if: I stress myself out, don’t know how to manage stress, or if my career is just inherently stressful. At any rate, I need to figure the stress / work-life balance / putting up boundaries thing out, somehow, so I don’t keep getting sick. Have any of you struggled with this and found an answer? If so, can you offer any tips?

The biggest factor is that I just don’t think my body can handle 12-14 hour days anymore. I think I top out at 10 hour-days. And yet, my career seems to be designed around the 12+ hour day. What to do? Thoughts/Suggestions?

Beautiful SF: Perfection.

I have even more fantastically fabulous news! I don’t have to travel for my next project!!! (!!!) and another !!! for good measure

As you can see, I’m *THRILLED* not to have to jump on a plane on Monday. True: my new client is a beer company with HQs in Golden, CO and Milwaukee, WI, but I’ll be working in SF! In the SF office. Downtown. That’s a 20-30 minute MUNI (bus) commute – easy peazy. It’s a 5-wk project with a great Mgr, doing the work I’d been wanting to do & excited to do in Seattle: IT Spend Analysis. So yes, all things worked out even better than if I’d organized it myself (re: my initial upset over having to take Short Term Disability & losing the “ideal” project in Seattle). *Yes, I’m sure all of you with more faith & trust than I have are laughing right now.*  

 

Beautiful SF